(28.07.2003 - 1:12 p.m.)
In case you don't know, when you go to school in England, at 16 you sit your GCSE exams (General Certificate of Secondary Education). Essentially they are the exams that you take to finish high school. So yeah, now that's out of the way, take a look at these metaphors that were used in GCSE English exams. All are real examples. The future of the English novel is bleak.
- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master
- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze
- She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't
- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can
- The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up
- The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP
- She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword
- Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened
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