Silent Sigh
(05.02.2003 - 3:17 p.m.)

"I only want you to run under with me on this sand like Indians, if you're going to fucking sleep all day fuck you motherfuckers oh when you're all sleeping so many sleeping I am somewhere on some stupid rickety scaffolding and I'm trying to get your stupid fucking attention I've been trying to show you this, just been trying to show you this - What the fuck does it take to show you motherfuckers, what does it fucking take what do you want how much do you want because I am willing I will stand before you and I will raise my arms and give you my chest and throat and wait, and I've been so old for so long, for you, for you, I want it fast and right through me - Oh do it, do it, you motherfuckers, do it do it you fuckers, finally, finally, finally."
'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius', Dave Eggers.

You can check out Dave Eggers latest publishing project at Mcsweeneys.

oOo oOo oOo

I got a Google hit yesterday for 'Fellatio Made Easy', which was quite disconcerting. This hit in the same day that I got one for a quote by Madeleine Albright. Now there's a combination from the darkest depths of Hades: Madeleine Albright making fellatio easy.

Excuse me whilst I poke out my minds eye.

I really should acknowledge that quote, which comes from an episode of Frasier. It's wonderful when accompanied by prodding one's own forehead. And it covers a multitude of abstract, metaphorical sinning.

oOo oOo oOo

The prospect of upping and leaving here is becoming more and more appealing just of late. Some aspects of life have improved immeasurably, but others still bog me down, just as with anyone else I suppose. And maybe a change of scenery would do me good? Maybe releasing myself from these surroundings would speed the process of change?

And maybe it would just be running away.

I watched About A Boy last night, and whilst it is a comedy, I think it actually carries a lot of weight. Right now, being jobless and directionless, I related to Will quite a lot. Probably too much. When he was talking about being an undesirable blank canvass, I felt the little man inside my head nodding vigorously and prodding me with his 'told-you-so' finger.

People need to make connections. And those connections are difficult, draining and time consuming. But, ultimately, they are full of wonder, inspiration, love and beauty. They are what makes life matter.

I only wish that I had Will's money.

oOo oOo oOo

The weather is cold, clear, sunny and crisp. It's childhood weather. Fleet pond kind of weather. Pooh Sticks weather. It's baby moon weather.

Good luck on your adventure. I'll miss you, but I'll be rooting for you all the way.

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