What Sort Of A Name Is Icabod?
(09.05.2003 - 3:28 p.m.)

Me and cars, like chalk and cheese, Marmite and orange juice, your mouth and shattered glass, just weren't meant to go together.

Wednesday night my car was fine. Wednesday night my car got me all over town without a hitch.

Friday morning my car won't start. The starter motor won't even turn over. Because the battery is entirely dead. How can a battery that has shown no signs of wear suddenly be completely and utterly flat? I tell ya. Sometimes these four wheeled thingamies are more hassle than they're worth.

I've only had the thing a couple of months and already cracks are showing. The thing is only four years old. Weird things like this shouldn't be happening to it.

Bloody hell.

oOo oOo oOo

I watched Sleepy Hollow for the first time in a while last night, and throughly enjoyed the experience. However, does anyone else think that these gothic storytelling types like Washington Irving went seriously overboard when it came to plotting?

It's taken me three or four viewings of Sleepy Hollow to feel like I finally understand the motivations behind Mrs. Van Tassel's sorcery. Even now I'm not sure I would get it right if I tried to explain it.

But I'll give it a go. You know. Just for shits and giggles.

Mrs. Van Tassel, when much younger, and going by the original family name of Archer, was witness to the slaying of the Hessian Horseman, who was sent to America from Germany by the British, to keep the Americans under their thumb.

Later, Miss. Archer and her family were thrown off their farm by the landowners, the Van Garret family, royally pissing off Miss. Archer. The farm was then occupied by the Van Tassel family, whom Mr. Van Garret personally passed the farm on to.

Meanwhile, sometime later, Mr. Van Garret, presumably frustrated, is conducting an affair with Widow Winship. He gets her pregnant and decides that he will alter his will, meaning that all his worldly posessions will no longer pass to his son, but to the Widow. Which is where Miss. Archer sees a way to reak her revenge.

If Mr. Van Garret and his son died, and any evidence of Van Garret's new will leaving everything to Widow Winship could be covered up, all his worldly posessions would pass to his obvious heir, Baltus Van Tassel.

So, when Baltus Van Tassel's wife becomes very ill, Miss. Archer offers to be her nurse and see her back to health. But instead, she kills Mrs. Van Tassel and woos her way into Baltus Van Tassel's bed, and eventually marriage.

Being of witchy ways, and now being Mrs. Van Tassel, she summons the Hessian Horseman back from the grave by stealing his head and using it as a talisman. Doing her bidding, and searching for his head, the horseman then proceeds to behead everyone that Mrs. Van Tassel commands him to.

She despatches of Old Man Van Garret, his son, and Widow Winship and her unborn child by Hessian means, but then is confronted by a problem. First of all, Johnathen Masbeth was witness to Mr. Van Garret's new will. Secondly, the town doctor new of Widow Winship's child and who the father was. Thirdly, the town magistrate had to oversee Van Garret's new will. Fourthly (is there such a word?) the town Vicar had conducted the marriage, which I had forgotten to mention, of Widow Winship and Old Man Van Garret. And all of the paperwork relating to this sordid secret was kept safe by the town notary.

So, by hook or by crook, Mrs. Van Tassel, formerly Miss. Archer, proceeds to despatch of the magistrate and Jonathan Masbeth using the Horseman. The town notary hangs himself when he realises the link between all the people who are being killed. The vicar clubs the dcotor to death with a giant wooden crucifix when he thinks that he is going to blab everything to everyone, which takes care of him. Baltus Van Tassel then shoots the vicar when it looks like the vicar is pointing the finger at him for all the other murders.

Finally, the Horseman manages to do for Baltus Van Tassel, meaning that the Van Garret fortune will pass to Mrs. Van Tassel, formerly Miss. Archer, and thus she will be avenged for being thrown off her beloved farm.

Apart from the fact that a young constable, Icabod Crane, has been sent from New York and has managed to figure all of this out, being the clever fellow that he is. Praise be to Icabod.

Icabod returns the Horseman's head to him, who then proceeds to have his own revenge on Mrs. Van Tassel, formerly Miss. Archer, by taking her with him on a one way trip to hell. Icabod then returns to New York with Katrina Van Tassel, stepdaughter of Mrs. Van Tassel, formerly Miss. Archer, whom he has fallen in love with and who he previously suspected of carrying out the murders herself. They also take with them Johnathan Masbeth's son, who has helped Icabod along the way. Presumably they also take with them the Van Garret fortune which, not being able to be passed to Widow Winship due to her being dead, would pass to Van Tassel's nearest surviving relative, now being Katrina Van Tassel.

Could it be any more convoluted? The answer is yes. In fact it was more convoluted than that, having certain elements of back story that I have missed out. But we shan't bother ourselves with those.

Personally I think that Icabod orchestrated the whole thing because he was short of a dime or two to patent his crazy new pathological instruments. But that's just me.

I'm off to eat some pumpkin.

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