(12.04.2004 - 10:17 p.m.)
I know that I've spoken of it before, those times when that feeling comes over me. The one I can't explain. The first time it was when I was listening to one of my parents Beach Boys records. I was lying on the living room floor with the headphones on. Big ones that could've only been made in the 80's. The next thing I looked around and no one was there. And this feeling smacked me in the face like a clenched fist. And every so often, when I am least expecting it, it creeps up on me. And I don't know what it is or where it comes from. And I don't know if there is even a word to describe it. It's as if I have been removed from time and space. And I feel dislocated and somehow as if I am a part of nothing. Connected to no one. And all I have is the moment I am living in. And I feel sad and happy and empty and content all at the same time. I just want to know what it is. What it means and where it comes from. Because I don't understand. And I have a feeling that until I do, I won't be anything that I want to be. Can you help me? Are you there? Do you know what it is to feel like this? I miss you.
Currently Spinning: The Best Of David Bowie - '69 - '74
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