We Come 1
(16.07.2005 - 12:05 a.m.)

I want to sit and write this evening, so you�ll have to humour me if it becomes a rambling mess that you neither want, nor care, to continue reading.

oOo oOo oOo

When events transpire like those in London last Thursday, you find yourself pondering the imponderables. You try and reason the whys and wherefores, and more often than not, I think, you come up blank. Not for want of feeling, not for want of empathy or compassion, but because it seems as if there is nothing meaningful that you can say in the face of such things. One of those unfortunate 54 people could so easily have been someone that you knew or loved. And yet, someone that you knew or loved could so easily have been one of the four men who left home that day, intending to blow up a train.

Despite the deaths of those unsuspecting people who have lost their lives as a result of terrorism, or perhaps because of them, I can�t bring myself to condone invasive military action against those countries that harbour those who would start, continue or escalate such terror. I can�t bring myself to support the incarceration of people, based only on a suspicion, not evidence, that they have been involved in committing an act of terror. Why? It�s almost as simple as this: how do we ever hope to see the cessation of such violence, if we continue to set such an overtly aggressive example to those nations from where terrorist groups have come?

No politician would ever say it, as it would certainly be political suicide, but the more I think about it, the more I believe it might be true. Rather than engaging in acts of aggression, which are couched in the language of heroism, patriotism, liberty and justice, we need to follow the far lengthier, far less bombastic, but ultimately far more rational route of negotiation, pacifism and peace. And yes, I couldn�t argue against the fact that this route may result in further deaths at the hands of terrorists. And yes, I�m not sure I could face someone who had been directly affected by such an act and say the things that I am writing here. But how else do we hope to ever set an example? Is there a better way to defend the best elements of our way of life, than by utilising those elements in our defence?

oOo oOo oOo

The human mind is a consistently amazing thing. I think its resilience is without compare. From moment to moment it seems that the mind finds new ways of adapting, coping and surviving. One week you can�t see a way out. You feel at your absolute lowest ebb and you wonder how you are going to make it to the other side. But somehow, for the most part, you do. That isn�t to say that the journey is an enjoyable one, or that reaching past your obstacle is in any way easy. But eventually you find a way of managing your circumstances, whatever they may be.

Even if your way of coping is by blocking something out, or by taking each hour and minute one at a time; even if you can�t see past the very evening in which you exist, you somehow manage to pick yourself up. You have to keep getting up. You have to keep stepping up to the plate.

oOo oOo oOo

This evening, above all other evenings, I miss you. I curse time, as it didn�t bring us together when we were ready for each other. But I can�t stay angry for long, because I have been so lucky in meeting you at all. Whether it means anything to you or not, you are one of the ways in which I cope. If things are getting beyond my grasp; if life is spiralling out of control; if I am stood on the dark side of the world and the sun is nowhere to be seen, all I need do is think of you near me, and it lifts me. My problems do not cease to be, for there is no miracle cure. But I survive because of you.

See.

Fate.

oOo oOo oOo

I�m struggling to reach that next stage in my life. I know there�s a step to be taken but, whatever the reason may be, I haven�t taken it. I think that it�s possible to know something, but not truly know it. You can think about a given concept, and appreciate that concept, but it�s not until you know that concept in your heart and fully understand it that you find the peace that comes with knowledge. I know that there�s a higher level of understanding to strive for, but something is holding me back.

But what does it matter? I don�t think that many people ever reach that plateau, that deeper level of comprehension. And what do you care? The people I used to write this for don�t come round here anymore.

Heh. Listen to me. There�s a bitter element to my tone that I�ve struggled to keep at bay. I used to work with a person that I considered the most bitter man that I had ever met. It was almost impossible to pass comment about anything without getting a cynical or spiteful remark in return. And every day I used to vow to myself that, no matter what happened during the course of my life, I would never grow to be the bitter character that he was.

But at the moment, things don�t seem particularly sweet.

oOo oOo oOo

I suppose that what I am really seeking this evening is a connection. I want to reach out and feel a hand in return. Peculiar, isn�t it, that I spend my time in a room by myself looking for a connection. But it�s true. I think that�s the appeal of the internet to a great many people. When you click �dial�, it�s as if you�re joining a global community. Whether you chat to someone or not, being connected makes it seem as if you have a connection.

Because isn�t that what most people are seeking? A moment of connection? Sometimes it doesn�t have to be that lifelong connection that so many crave. Sometimes those fleeting conversations are all you need. Sometimes a few words will do, because you just need to feel, at least for those few seconds, that you aren�t alone in the world; that there is someone out there in the cosmos who not only appreciates, but understands where you are coming from.

oOo oOo oOo

I think I may have been asleep for the past three months. I certainly haven�t felt awake.

Is anybody even out there? Does anybody even care?

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