And All That Jazz
(29.01.2003 - 11:23 a.m.)

*Tap dances into the room. Trips. Falls. Bounces off computer desk. Runs to bathroom whimpering, in search of TCP and cotton wool.*

So I went to see Chicago last night. And I've got to say, I've never had so much respect for Richard Gere. Who'd have thought that he had even a modicum of talent when it comes to singing and dancing? Come to that, who'd have thought that he had a modicum of talent? Hats off to all involved. It made me want to run out into the street, don a spangly outfit and join a theatre company.

And I think that the Brewsters Bear loves me. We were sat in the pub, having a meal, when the mascot, the afformentioned Brewsters Bear, comes sidling up to me. I look up to see a big, hairy paw jutting in my direction, holding a purple baloon. I take the baloon and Bear goes all coy and points to it's own cheek. I plant a big smackeroo right on it, and Brewsters Bear runs away giggling.

Holy furry love, Batman.

oOo oOo oOo

Anyone inspired by George W's State of the Union last night? I know I was. To run out and buy a gun to shoot myself with. I know that the situation in Iraq is complex. I know that it's not exactly a black & white issue. But I was reading an article yesterday that said the reason most people give for being opposed to war with Iraq, is that millions of innocent Iraqis will be killed. The author went on to point out that the Western military are now so accurate that only a few civilians will ever be killed, therefore there is no reason not to go to war.

Hello? Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? No reason not to go to war? I wonder if the thought had ever occured to author of the article that some of us are opposed to a single needless death, let alone millions.

It inevitably becomes murky here, however. If you are opposed to a single death, how can you justify sitting back and letting Saddam commit the human rights violations that he does? Does death, if it is unavoidable, become necessary?

Either way, it struck me that the author of said article considers human life to be cheap. And I, for one, do not.

oOo oOo oOo

And for those The Lord Of The Rings junkies out there (yes, hello you) here are some excerpts from something that may interest you:

The Secret Diary of Aragorn, Son Of Arathorn.

Day 1: Ringwraiths killed: 4. Very good. Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it. Still not King.

Day 4: Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying. Not King yet.

Day 6: Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes! Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back. Still not King.

Day 10: Sorry no entries lately. Very dark in Mines of Moria. Big Balrog. Not King today either.

Day 11: Orcs killed: 7. Very good. Stubble update: Looking mangy. Legolas may be hotter than me. I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

Day 28: Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off. Still not King.

Day 30: In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench. Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad. Took a shower. Yay! But still not King.

Day 32: Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy. Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind. I think Legolas might be kinda gay. Nope, not King.

Day 33: Orcs killed: Countless thousands. Very good. Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay. Not so sure about Gimli either. RIP Boromir. Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.

Day 34: Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why? My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me? Not so sure about me either. Still not King, goddammit.

Stay tuned for more exciting passages from the recently discovered 'Secret Diaries Of The Fellowship.'

oOo oOo oOo

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