Mature Idiot
(02.02.2003 - 9:20 p.m.)

I am sitting, staring at this monitor, on the verge of falling asleep. Although I shan't fall asleep, because if I did the drooling thing whilst kipping, I'm not quite sure how I would get it out of my keyboard. Plus, I never really wanted a tattoo of a standard 'qwerty' keboard on my face.

The general haze of slumber that is currently consuming me is due to the fact that I spent the weekend in Aberystwyth (try saying that after a few pints of beer) with some good friends. And speaking of pints of beer, I had several pints of a wonderful brew on Saturday night that went by the name of 'Old Tosser'. Despite the moniker that made me want to poke out my mind's eye, it was actually a very nice drink. I heartily recommend sucking down some Old Tosser.

Now there's something I never thought I would write.

oOo oOo oOo

The Secret Diary of Frodo Baggins of The Shire

Day 3: Have agreed to carry Ring to Mordor. In hindsight, probably a bad move.

Day 4: Aragorn and Boromir had big fight over who got to carry me up Mount Caradhras. Aragorn shoved Boromir into snowbank. Boromir bit Aragorn on the ear. Ring must be affecting them more seriously than I thought.

Day 6: Woke up to find Aragorn playing with buttons on my shirt. He must be after the Ring. Damn its siren call. Ah well, Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day 10: Today Legolas began stroking my inner thigh with his bow. Was stunned. Had no idea Legolas wanted the Ring too. It must truly be an object of awesome power.

Day 11: Gandalf showed me very strange trick he can do. Apparently pointy wizard hat not just for show. Wonder if Ring is affecting him, or perhaps he is just very peculiar.

Day 24: Finally feel rested. Is too dark in Mines of Moria for Aragorn to find me and pinch me as he has been doing lately. Gandalf fell into shadow. Was sad to see pointy hat go.

Day 27: Lothlorien so pretty. Galadriel pretty too. Offered her One Ring, but she kept saying, "No, there's something else I'd rather have from you, Frodo Baggins," and trying to slide foot up inside my breeches. So, gave her my extra pair of breeches since she seemed fond of them. Maybe some kind of breeches shortage in Lothlorien.

Day 30: Rowed all day in boats. Very tired. Merry and Pippin offered to give me a group massage. Nice to have such very concerned friends. Glad Ring is not affecting them. Although did not need back rubbed quite so much, nor other parts. Pippin does remember we're cousins, right? Right?

Day 33: Boromir tried to take the Ring. Am not entirely certain, but am fairly sure he also tried to have a little cuddle. Was most unnerving, as Boromir quite huge.

Day 36: Everyone keeps hitting on me. Cannot cope. Off to Mordor. Sam coming too. Good thing, as will enable me to have more of those platonic, brotherly foot massages he's so good at. Am sad to leave rest of Company though, as found myself quite fancying the idea of shagging Gimli. Chunky braids and huge helmet quite a turn-on. Ah, well, he never would have liked me anyway.

oOo oOo oOo

Currently spinning: Tenacious D.

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